Home / Relationships / Great Expectations: How you can be your own worst enemy when locked out of the house on a cold afternoon.

Great Expectations: How you can be your own worst enemy when locked out of the house on a cold afternoon.

I was chatting to a girlfriend recently about the ins and outs of relationships and we realised that sometimes we are guilty of deliberately going about things to set our partners up to fail.  I listed a couple of doozies of when I had done this recently, and my friend fessed up to her less than appropriate behavior too.

Why on earth do we do this? It seems like the exact opposite of what you should be doing in caring for your partner, but I guess sometimes love makes us do stupid things? Sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most, and the reason for inflicting that hurt is hard to understand (without the help of psychologist at $200 per hour)?

Is this something you can relate to?

An embarrassing example:

I recently accidentally locked myself out of the house when I was pulling some sheets off the line.  It was quickly approaching 5pm on a Melbourne afternoon and even though it’s apparently Spring, it’s still maxing out at a top of 15 most days here – So it’s fair to say it was chilly, getting more so, and I was pissed off about it.

I casually waited by the back door (in between hysterically banging on it) to try and get the attention of my fiancé who I knew was up the front of the house in our home-office.  To his credit, he was hanging out a load of washing in front of the heater that I had just finished.  Failing to return in what I would have considered ample time to hang out what was in the basket, I slumped in the chair at our outdoor table.

It was at this point that I knew for certain, my partner must have weakened to the lure of his computer while in the office, and I therefore should not count on seeing him any time soon. {I hold mass-anger towards Apple for their revolutionary advancements in technology. It makes me psychotic that my partner treats his devices like an extra person in our relationship – worthy of love, attention, nurturing, and respect. I might expand on this in a future post, but I’m sure you get the gist of what I mean if you also share a bed with your partner AND their iPad}

Waiting for what seemed like at least half an hour, and a trillion goosebumps over my skin, I began to prepare my response for when he would discover my frostbitten body in the backyard being crawled over by our neighborhood possums (which I expected would be when he finally gets hungry and wanders back to the other end of the house where I was….and where the fridge is).

It goes like this:

Where the hell of you been? What? You just forgot I also lived in the house, and didn’t think it was strange that you hadn’t seen me the last hour?

No, this won’t do. I’m not a baby that he needs to keep ‘watch’ for. Nor was he expected to ‘report back’ with the success of the washing-hanging on the off-chance I was locked out of the house to then be able to save me.

Rant option no 2:

Why the hell do you have to leave so much stuff at the back door so there is no way I can go out the back without it slamming shut behind me?

Nah, this won’t work either. Most of the stuff there (case of beer, the broom, recycling bin etc) is communal.  Probably not an appropriate blame tactic. Plus, I had been aware of this hazard myself for some time, and was clearly too lazy to find them a new home to make it easier to get in/out of the door.

Rant option no. 3

Why the hell do you have to be on your computer at every chance you get?! I could have been out here for hours if you hadn’t have decided to stretch your legs!

Yeah.  This is pretty good.  He never ever wins the ‘You’re on your gadgets way too much’ war – he usually doesn’t even turn up for battle.

It must have been because I had recently eaten and my blood-sugar levels were reasonably level (or the fact that I was going numb and starting to not feel my fingers) because I actually started to calm down about the situation (unlike me – I’m an over-reactor from way back). And as such, in my lovely rationale state, I concluded that none of these comments would in fact be fair – after all, it wasn’t reeeeaaally his fault that I got locked out of the house. He didn’t push the door shut behind me and run away. Really, it was my fault.

BUT, after acknowledging that, this is then how my brain went (and why I possibly need someone to give me a number for a good psychologist):

I wanted to somehow involve him in feeling like he had contributed to the situation, that way I would look less of a complete idiot AND I might also swing some sympathy.  So instead, I proceeded to hope that he would leave me outside until dark – a good 2 hours in total – so that when he finally did discover me in the backyard, I would be cold, barely able to say a word, and hopefully he would feel really really sorry for me.

So here it was – I was setting him up to fail. The poor bugger didn’t have a chance.

My plan went pear shaped when he walked into the kitchen 2 minutes later carrying the empty washing basket and saw me out the window. He opened the door laughing hysterically when he realised I had obviously locked myself out and had been out there that whole time.

Turns out, it DID take him a whole 30 mins to hang a load of washing (go figure).  It turns out he DIDN’T turn on the computer/iPad/iphone/other gadgety thing.  Turns out he WAS just being meticulous about hanging everything up because of my strict instructions from a previous washing episode where he dumped everything on the clothes horse and none of it dried for 3 days.

Queue flashback:

You need to hang everything up properly otherwise it won’t dry! Geeezzz, how hard is it!!!

He was trying to do his best – to make me happy.

I headed for the shower (tail between my legs) to warm up and he proceeded about the house finishing up the last of the day’s jobs – just like how I thought he wouldn’t.

Sometimes the universe is telling us to stop and slow down – and being locked in your backyard is a sure way to get you to do it. In the end, I was frustrated at myself for being an idiot locking myself out, for letting my brain get carried away, and also thankful that I have a wonderful partner who not only knows how to hang out washing brilliantly – but is also the one that always comes to my rescue if anything goes wrong.

Lesson learnt today – don’t wish to be stuck outside the house for 2 hours just to make your partner feel bad.  Swallow your pride and keep banging on the door – or jump the neighbours fence and walk around the front.

Can anyone relate to my ghastly behaviour? Have you ever tested your partner or wished them to fail at something? (Pleeeeease share, it will make me feel better!!!).

~ anna

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