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If you can’t cope with my unhelpful-help, perhaps buy a headscarf?

Hear no Evil. See no Evil. Speak no Evil

You’ve read them too right? Those blog posts/articles/rants that do the rounds from someone on their high horse with their List of Things You Should Not Say To Them When They are in X Situation?

I hate those lists. 

  • 25 things not to say to a woman who is struggling to fall pregnant
  • 174 things not to say to a woman over 30 going through a break up
  • 4062798 things not to say to someone with depression

I really really hate those lists.

If we all get around stifled with fear for saying the wrong thing, that means nothing will be said at all. And if nothing is said it all, surely we’d end up wondering why the bloody-hell no one cares?

I get it. Sometimes when you are in the shit, you just want your friend to get down in the hole with you, sit down, shut the f*** up, and give you a hug {+ maybe a little “Everything will be ok” or “I’m here if you need me” on the side too}.

But we are all imperfect humans and we all say dumb/unhelpful/totally off-the-mark things from time to time – especially on topics that we don’t have personal experience in, or understanding of. I think this is because our natural instinct (especially as women) is to engage, to discuss, to connect, to problem solve.

So why can’t we just accept that people can’t possibly always understand our dilemmas, and instead of focusing on what we perceive them to be saying as wrong, insensitive, or terrible – we see them as the caring people that they are, with an intent heart and the simple goal of wanting us to feel better?

If we focused on that, then maybe life wouldn’t feel so bad sometimes? Maybe in the middle of our suffering we would instead be reminded that we have so many people around us that love and care for us. Sometimes said-people are truly useless and yes sometimes they offer ridiculous off-the-wall insensitive advice – but really, unless that person has been in my shoes (or my head) how can I expect them to know what to say?

And I would much rather have 257 stupid things said to me during a tough time to get to the 1 gold nugget that can make things seem a little more manageable.  

Wouldn’t you?

Maybe if you have a problem with people helpnig you, get yourself a headscarf like the Queen - might help block out the noise. image by Wireimage

Maybe if you have a problem with people wanting to help you, get yourself a headscarf – it might help block out the noise. Image of Queen Elizabeth by Wireimage

x anna

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