Home / Relationships / Psycho Monkeys. Useless boyfriends. Just call me Terri Irwin.

Psycho Monkeys. Useless boyfriends. Just call me Terri Irwin.

I do all the ‘scary’ jobs in our home. My ‘fee-on-say’ J1 doesn’t really care for spiders, insects, frogs, or the next-door neighbour’s cat – in fact, anything that can’t talk back to him poses a problem.

So that means I am the one that has to grit my teeth and bravely usher the offending visitor outside – Yes, I do try to respect its right to life but on some occasions, i.e., red-back spider, white-tail spider etc, I draw the line and opt for a more effective weapon.  In my past career as an Exercise Physiologist, I provided rehab for all too many clients with chronic fatigue-like illnesses as a result from a bite from either of these spiders – so I don’t like to take my chances…

I was reminded of his creepy-crawly-phobia recently during our holiday in Mexico. There were many friends about of the reptile kind – of all shapes and sizes – sliding in between our sun lounges, from the steps of our room to the pool, or the steps of our room to (most importantly) the bar.  They seemed to be unperturbed by our presence – either that or the sun was just too good for them to be bothered to scurry back into the bushes.

An Iguana enjoying the sun and having his photo taken – Tulum, Mexico

It is a weird position to be in as the ‘insect/scary animal person’ in a relationship.  But it wouldn’t be the first time I have encountered this change to perhaps more typical gender- roles.  My first ‘serious’ boyfriend would force me to walk the dark path up to my house first.  I originally thought he was being polite ushering me ahead in front of him (chivalry and all that), but it didn’t take me long to work out he was using me as a human shield – an unassuming body to break the cobwebs that had sprung up since the spiders got to work at night.

What a charmer.

There was another time (and another boyfriend) and we were biking around the temples in Cambodia. Make no mistake – I can handle a snake slithering calmly next to me, or a fish swimming around my legs in the ocean, but I CANNOT handle those bloody monkeys.  And, so it seemed, nor could my boyfriend.  We stumbled upon a group of them on our bike travels and they weren’t too happy to have visitors.  Consequently one lunged at us screaming at us to ‘Back off!!’ – well, that was my English translation of its rather aggressive monkey-language….

It was at this moment I knew I would not marry this man as he pushed me towards the monkey in a quest to save himself – i.e., to get a head-start on his bike.

Charming. Again.

Cycling through Cambodia -WARNING: Psycho monkeys ahead!

So my dilemma with J1 is that he also seems to fit into this category of human being that prefers to have a 10 metre radius around them when it comes to animals, bugs, etc etc. And he would also prefer that 10 metre radius to include a barrier of some kind. I suppose I have my many little faults that require him to step up – so I can’t really complain. I need to give up my expectation of him to be a version of Steve Irvin, and instead, I will be Terri.

I vow to protect and forgive my man for his ridiculous fears. Disclaimer: as long as there are no monkeys involved – or crashing computers – as both things terrify me.

Terri Irwin – My animal -fending inspiration.  (image via The Crocodile Hunter)

How about you? Any jobs you have been forced to adopt in your relationship because your partner refuses?

~ anna

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